Anger is a healthy emotion. But many kids fail to understand the difference between angry feelings and aggressive behaviour. Anger and frustration can rapidly turn into rage, defiance, disrespect, temper tantrums and aggression when children are not aware of how to deal with their feelings and emotions.
Childhood temper and aggression such as arguing, fighting, spitting, yelling and teasing can lead to additional issues when left unchecked. For example, aggression and anger have been linked to peer rejections, academic problems and poor mental health during adulthood. The below-mentioned are five tips for parents to teach anger management skills to kids having trouble subduing their tantrums.
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● Differentiating between feelings and behaviour
Educate kids on how to label their emotions, so they are able to verbalise their feelings of anger, disappointment and frustration. Help them visualise they are in control of their feelings and actions when they are angry.
At times, aggressiveness gives rise to various uncomfortable feelings such as embarrassment and sadness. It’s important that you help your kids explore the reasons why they’re feeling angry. Maybe they’ve been sad because a playdate was cancelled, but are responding in anger as it’s easier to mask the hurt they’re feeling.
● Modelling anger management skills
The best way of teaching kids how to deal with anger is by showing them how you deal with emotions and anger issues. When your kid watches you losing your temper, they will most probably do the same thing. But if they see you deal with your anger in a gentler, kinder way they will pick up on that, too. However it is necessary to protect your kids from most adult problems, it is even wiser to show them how to deal with their angry feelings. Point out the moments when you feel angry and frustrated so that your kid understands that adults get mad sometimes too.
Verbalising your feelings will also teach kids to talk about their emotions and feelings. Apart from that, it’s necessary that you don’t lose your cool in front of your youngster. But if you do so, take responsibility for it, apologise and discuss what you should have done instead.
● Teaching healthy coping skills
Children need to be aware of the appropriate ways of dealing with their anger. Instead of telling them, “Don’t hit your brother” explain what they must do instead when they feel angry or frustrated. Say “Walk away from him when you feel angry or frustrated”.
You could also create a calm-down kit that can be used when they’re upset. Fill the box with different items that can help them calm down such as soothing music, a colouring book and pencils or a lotion that smells good. Engaging their senses will allow their mind and body to calm down.
For implementing effective anger coping strategies, you can also enrol your youngster in early childhood education programs such as Kumon. They educate children with several anger and frustration management techniques that can be beneficial for a lifetime.
● Establishing specific rules for anger management
Many families establish unofficial family rules for what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. Some families do not mind doors being slammed and voices being raised, while other families have less tolerance for these types of behaviour. You can create similar rules that match and outline your expectations. Address areas like name-calling, physical aggression and destruction of property so that your kids understand that they cannot do such things while being angry or frustrated.
● Offering consequences when required
Provide your kids with positive consequences when they follow anger rules and negative consequences when they break them. Positive consequences may include a reward or token system, whereas, negative consequences include loss of privileges, paying reinstitutions or time-outs.
Wrapping It Up
Struggling to manage anger and frustration at times is normal for kids. But if they receive proper guidance, their anger management skills should improve. When kids find it difficult to get their anger under control or anger problems seems to be getting worse, it’s advisable to seek professional help. If your kid is a schoolchildafter school programs are one of the best options available for professional assistance against anger management. Trained professionals can help in ruling out any underlying mental health problems and offer assistance in building a behaviour management plan for your kids.
For more information on anger management, visit the Kumon website.
